Re-entry

Well, this post is long overdue, I know!  We've been home for almost a month and I still don't feel like we're completely "back in the groove." Overall, things are going much better than we had anticipated.

So let me bring you up to speed...

We left our hotel in Guangzhou around 7:00 am.  We arrived at the airport with plenty of time to check luggage and wait for our now delayed flight. :-)  It was a short flight to Shanghai, about 2 hours, and Audrey did fairly well.  There were a few moments where she was crabby and crying but it was short lived.

Once we got to Shanghai, we collected our bags, checked into our international flight, then made our way to the first class lounge to waste away several hours until our flight left.  This actually wasn't so bad.  The lounge is nice.  I had several cucumber sandwiches for free.  There were drinks, food, a chef making some kind of noodle dish, candy, etc.  All for free!  So we loaded up and let Audrey run around and stretch her legs, burn off some steam for the big flight.

 

We had been praying about her being calm and quiet on the ride home.  And I feel the Lord answered that prayer by moving our hearts to decide to use some pharmaceutical supplement after all!  Ha ha ha!  So we got that on board, and then boarded the plane!

And can I just say - international first class is N I C E!!  Wow.  I'm not sure I can go back to coach.  Ever.  I am so glad we decided to cash in all our miles for this luxury.

This was Jason and Audrey right before we took off.  That whole area is just for Jason!  Each area took up about 4 airplane windows.  It was huge.  Tons of leg room, arm room, head room.  Lots of room.  Shortly after I snapped this picture, Audrey started throwing a fit because she didn't want to sit in Jason's lap anymore, she wanted to sit on my lap.  We had already started taxiing but we quickly switched her.  She then fell asleep in my arms as we took off.

She stayed asleep through dinner (appetizer, salad, steak with a bernaise sauce - the nice flight attendants pulled out my huge lap tray for me, laid napkins out so it was like a tablecloth, served me my food and even cut my steak for me since one arm was holding Audrey ;-)  Not kidding.  Great service.  

After dinner, I laid out my chair and slept a little with Audrey next to me.  The chairs lay flat and they provide a pad to be a pseudo mattress, two blankets, an eye mask, even pajamas!  Oh it's heavenly.  At first I thought it was a shame we had to buy an extra seat because she's over 2, but we ended up putting her in her own seat for parts of the flight.

We had these two middle seats next to each other and the seat along the window.  In the picture above, Jason is relaxing watching his own personal video monitor using his Bose noise canceling headphones (also provided by the airline).  And Audrey is stretched out, in dream land ;-)

She slept for about five hours.  She woke up at that point cranky.  And I was cranky.  I was very tired and really wanted to sleep.  Everyone else was asleep.  So, I took her in the bathroom for about 15 minutes for a diaper change, some warm milk in a bottle and then when she still wasn't satisfied, I let her scream and cry for a bit because there was nothing I could do.  When she was done, she went back to sleep and slept for another six hours. 

This photo was snapped about ten minutes before she woke up.  She slept so well I was able to sleep almost the same amount of time.  When she awoke, she had a little breakfast and then we were landing in Chicago!  I think I could have kissed each and every crew member as we walked off and walked on American soil!! (Or American carpet ;-)  At this moment, Audrey officially became a United States citizen.  We breezed through customs, picked up our luggage and re-checked it, then made our way to the Admirals' Club to wait the few hours until our connection to DFW left.

Again the flight to DFW was fairly uneventful.  Audrey fell asleep on take off and woke up a few minutes before we landed.  Oh my goodness.  Were we glad to land and get off that plane!!  Here is a video my Dad took of our reunion with the girls and their first meeting of Audrey face to face.  We're looking a little haggard but we were oh so happy to be H O M E!!!

Day 14 with Audrey

Well, this will probably be my last post before we are HOME! We cannot wait to get on that American Airlines flight, much less touch down on American soil! Please please pray with us that God would supernaturally calm Audrey for our long trip tomorrow and would even make her sleepy most of the day! We have tried various drugs to encourage the sleepiness and they all seem to backfire so we are going without anything. Yikes!

This morning we met up with our other family at breakfast and then headed next door to a hotel that has several shops with reasonable prices. We bought a third suitcase for a good deal in order to spread out our purchases and weight for the trip home!

We were still feeling a bit ambitious though and grabbed a taxi to head for Shamian Island I order to exchange a few things and get some more photos of the area since Jason and I feel, at this point, that this will be our last adoption trip! :-)

There are many large sculptures sprinkled throughout the island and Audrey was in a good enough mood to cooperate with posing on some.

This is usually what Audrey wants to do with the stroller ;-) I'd be happy to let het do this as it provides stability for her as she walks.

However, she doesn't steer very well (maybe because she can't see over the top?) and she goes slower so we are trying to encourage her to relax IN the stroller!

More sculptures to investigate.

 

Another example of the western influence seen in this Chinese cowgirl posing for what is probably a magazine shoot.

This is a girl on the move! You can detect the humidity level and influence by the sweaty head :-)

Happy to let baba hold her for awhile as she was finally starting to tire out! I didn't catch it on camera but she exclaimed "Baba!" right before this, gave him a big hug and kissed him on the side of his neck! Super sweet...

 

Another bride and groom headed to a photo shoot for a magazine. I'm guessing this due to the large size of the suit on the groom and the nonchalance of the bride as she swaggers down the street checking her phone :-)

We happened upon this Catholic chapel (again the British influence) where, as you can see, was a popular spot for photos. Modern brides in China do not want the traditional Chinese wedding gowns but prefer the big, white Western gowns.

Antique gated entrance. I would love to bring those iron gates home and use them somewhere...maybe up at the barn...

Last shot of one of the beautiful streets...

 

I'm ending this post early, before the day is over because as I said, I don't think I'll have time to post later before we leave. Again, we covet your prayers for a smooth travel marathon day!

Philippians 4:Rejoice in the Lord always ; again I will say , rejoice ! 5 Let your gentle spirit be known to all men . The Lord is near . 6   Be anxious for nothing , but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God . 7 And the peace of God , which surpasses all comprehension , will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus . 8 Finally , brethren , whatever is true , whatever is honorable , whatever is right , whatever is pure , whatever is lovely , whatever is of good repute , if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise , dwell on these things . 9 The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things , and the God of peace will be with you.

Day 13 with Audrey

This morning we were up and out the door early to make our stringent Consulate appointment! There are no cameras or cell phones allowed so we left them in the car and didn't get any photos. It is a quick appointment, you just take an oath that all the information you submitted is true as far as you know. Then you meet with an individual agent who quickly reviews your submitted paperwork, you sign a few more things then you're done!

After our appointment, our guide took us to Shamian Island, once the hub for all adoption families with the famous White Swan and Victory hotels, it used to be teeming with people and shops. However, I don't know if it's due to the slowdown in adoptions or that the White Swan is going through a major renovation and so is all torn up, but many of the shops are gone and it's a much quieter place. Which is nice in some ways.

 

All of the buildings here on Shamian were built by the British when they had a presence here at one point in time. So there is a definite English influence seen here.

 

The streets and sidewalks are wide and the trees are tall and plentiful, providing much shade during the hot afternoons and days.

It's also a VERY popular spot for bridal photos for real brides and grooms and those who are hired models for magazine shoots.

Of course, it wouldn't be a complete day without a meltdown from Audrey over something ;-)

We did get her a pair of squeaky shoes and she was extremely happy about that. So we let her out of her stroller to stretch her legs a bit.

And that makes us a bit happier too!

Our shopping was fast and furious and it was getting hot so soon we were headed back to the hotel.

 

We took afternoon naps then met up with the other AWAA family for Papa Johns pizza out by Kiddy Land. The. It was another dip in the pool to tire Audrey out before bedtime. We did Face Time with the girls and then hit the hay!

Tomorrow is mostly a free day as we wait for the consulate to issue Audrey's visa. We may do some more shopping and then it's packing as we leave early the next morning for home! Yea!

Day 12 with Audrey

Today was another free day. No appointments, no place to be, nothing to do. But we talked Amy, our guide, into taking us to the wholesale market in downtown Guangdong for some shopping! So we slept in a bit, had a leisurely breakfast, the met Amy and the Flowers at 10am to go shopping!

This was one of the colorful streets in. The wholesale market area. Normally, you must buy in bulk here, but Amy spoke with some of the shop owners and we were able to find and buy some good deals!

This is Stephanie and Jamie bargaining hard with the little shop keeper :-). Their baby's name is Kayleen, and she's very sweet. That's Amy, our guide, in the bottom left corner.

This is the entrance to a Buddhist temple there on the street.

Normally I wouldn't stop to snap any pictures, but it was interesting to look inside...

 

And the smell from the incense burning was actually quite good...after shopping we stopped at a new local favorite restaurant for Westerners called "Tekila". It is authentic Mexican food and it is GOOD! The owner is a native Mexican and he has done a fabulous job of teaching his staff to cook incredible food.

After that, we returned to the hotel for naps and the we took Audrey to a play area for kids on the 4th floor. I'm guessing it must be new because we never knew or heard about when we were here 3 years ago.

I'm guessing because more and more adoptive families are staying here, and not Shamien Island, the hotel has wisely set this area up.

As you can see, Amelia had a lot of fun playing on the equipment. I'm sure we'll be back here.

 

Day 10 and 11 with Audrey

I didn't take any pictures the day before (day 10). It was sort of a waiting day...the other family in our group was flying in late that night and we just hung out, taking long naps and relaxing. Audrey is getting better overall but we still seeing some tantrums and we're finding the best thing is to just ignore it. It's painful and difficult to see and hear her screaming at the top of her lungs but to try and soothe her, tell her to be quiet, etc., just ramps up her reaction. That is something we'll have to address more directly when we're at home.

The next morning we went down to breakfast and then met the other family I our group, the Flowers, to go to the medical center again. Audrey had her TB test read (negative, thank you Lord!) and their baby, who is under 2, was having her general physical done.

Then it was back to the hotel for some down time.

We don't have the best view now that we've changed rooms, but Audrey still likes to look out the window with Baba.

It is still surprising to us how verbal Audrey is. I think much of our tantrums are born out of the language barrier because when our guide, Amy, speaks to her in Mandarin and explains things, she seems to go along better. This gives me hope that once she starts learning English, she will be easier to handle.

It's a catch 22 using Amy too much though. I can see that Audrey really likes her. I've even heard her call Amy "mama" and give her kisses and hugs freely while she doesn't always give them to me.

This rips my heart out.

But it brings up an important topic that I'd like to discuss here. It has to do with attachment and bonding, which have been difficult for us.

Karen Purvis, in her highly regarded book, "The Connected Child" stated, "Children from orphanages or with attachment issues have a tendency to be indiscrimately friendly. For example, even after adoption, they are liable to run up to someone they've never met before and ask to go home with them. This is dangerous and socially inappropriate."

One article published in the National Institue of Health stated "such behaviors as willingness to leave a familiar caregiver and go off with a stranger, failure to check with a familiar caregiver in an anxiety-provoking situation, or lack of differentiation between adults, including seeking close physical contact or being inappropriately affectionate with strangers." is another sign of inappropriate attachment.

We noticed some of these behaviors in Amelia after we returned and I'm already seeing these behaviors in Audrey. But moreover, I am seeing other symptoms of attachment problems with Audrey that Amelia did not have, such as being nonreactive to pain (she falls a LOT and has bruises and scratches but only laughs when she falls, doesn't cry out in pain, which is another symptom:) inappropriate emotional responses (laughing instead of crying or vice versa), lack of or unwillingness to make eye contact, some aggressive tendencies, she also can have intense mood changes from screaming and crying one minute to laughing the next. So, we will need to help Audrey learn who is really going to be her mama and baba, and who will really be her family for the rest of her life and how to make those healthy attachments!

In order to help her learn this (since we can't just tell her) Jason and I must be her primary caregivers. This means we can be the only ones to hold her, feed her, carry her, change her diaper, kiss her, hug her, comfort her when she's hurt, dress her, etc. basically take care of her immediate needs. This does not mean others cannot talk to to her, smile at her, laugh with her, do "high-5's" with her (which she loves to do) play games with her, etc. But unfortunately, for the time being, contact needs to restrained, a bit, with people outside our immediate family circle.

Another article I read stated it like this, "the parent [needs to] be more aware of the child's distress (and how to help the child when that happens)...The aim is to facilitate the parent's capacity to act as a secure base for the child and, in turn, to increase the child's willingness to use the parent as a secure base.". This would be confusing for Audrey if every adult she met was acting in this way. I think we take this process for granted in biologically born children because it happens naturally, over time, when the child is still under 9 months of age. Audrey never had that luxury.

So we hope that all our friends and family reading this will be understanding of our needs to set limits right now. This means we will not have her in Sunday School or Mother's Day Out. She will be at home with me and Jason or hopefully sit quietly with us during church services and our Sunday School class. (If she is disruptive, we may have to skip some of these activities for awhile - thats how important this is!) This doesn't mean that this will go on forever, either. We will watch carefully and let Audrey show us when she's made more stable, grounded attachments with us so that we can expand her world a bit ;-). With Amelia, it only took a month or so. Not sure how long Audrey will take. I have a feeling when we are back home, on our own turf where we feel comfortable and secure, she will make huge strides just feeling that calmness and stability from us. Her sisters will also be a valuable tool, I believe, on modeling and showing her what loving, secure attachment and relationship with us looks like.

So, back to our day...we did venture out later that afternoon with the Flowers to another nearby park. The picture below was taken by Stephanie because Audrey decided she didn't want to ride in the stroller, she wanted me to hold her.

 

It was especially humid that afternoon, with no breeze. I was literally melting. When we finally got back to the hotel, we stripped out of our sweat soaked clothes and hit the pool again. We then ordered Papa John's pizza for dinner. It. Was. Heavenly.

Tasted just like home! And Audrey loved it as well! She even ate the pepperoni first!

 

 

Day 9 with Audrey

Today was another good day with Audrey. We have a good bed time routine down (warm bottle of milk and I lay down with her on the bed) that may take a bit of time but there is little to no crying. She also had I think maybe one tantrum/fit and that was it.

We are observing her carefully to try and figure out what triggers the moods and swings that bring on the tantrums. We've been noticing large crowds cause her to withdraw and become very quiet. Then, if something doesn't go her way, a fit or tantrum might ensue.

So sometimes we have to turn around and go back to the room if we see warning signs coming on. Because we really don't like the fits ;-). Today we decided to tryout the pool.

It's definitely warm enough. VERY humid and thankfully overcast. If that sun peeks out, you can almost feel the sun sizzling your skin. And it's only been in the 80's and 90's - usually they are over 100 this time of year.

Audrey did very well for what is most likely her first experience in a swimming pool. In fact, she was pretty fearless.

It didn't take long before she was jumping off the edge into her Baba's arms. Laughing and smiling and completely enraptured when Jason would swim underwater.

We had the pool pretty much to ourselves it was so nice and relaxing.

 

Oh yes, I think she will have no problem keeping up with her sisters in the pool at home. I know she'll be keeping us on our toes!

 

Day 8 with Audrey

We woke up feeling a bit better thanks to the cold air conditioning and soft beds of the Marriott. Ahhh...almost like home ;-). And i have to say, if yesterday was the worst day with Audrey thus far, God gave us the best day with Audrey thus far today!

We hit the hotel's fabulous breakfast buffet & were reminiscing about our last trip here and the wonderful group we were in. It's a bit different when you're by yourself!

First stop for the day was Audrey's medical appointment. This is supposed to be an independent exam by a doctor to confirm what the medical file states or bring up other issues not mentioned in the paperwork.

There were no surprises with Audrey and she tolerated the exams by several doctors very well. She also received her TB shot and barely whimpered. We were so proud of her! From there we went to a grocery store and stocked up on some supplies and snacks then returned to the hotel for a free afternoon and evening.

After naps and some eating, we decided to venture out to a nearby park. As many of you know or have heard, the driving in China is just crazy. Traffic signals and painted lanes are just suggestions and it can be a near death experience trying to cross the road in many of the big cities. So China has in many of these areas these underground passes that allow pedestrians to cross safely underneath the streets.

They are HUGE and very wide. But you need to pay attention when using them because while there is signage down there, it's in Mandarin (Guangzhou also has them in English but Urumqi did not), and it is very easy to get lost down in these catacombs as there are usually more than 4 corridors to take...

These women were groundskeepers at the park.

This park wasn't quite as busy as the Urumqi park but just as beautiful with its shady walkways...

 

Wedding photos in the park.

 

There were these cute elephant statues there - I was surprised Audrey sat up there by herself for the picture.

She's learning to turn and smile whenever the lens is pointed in her face.

This is my 'keeping it real photo' of the day. Yes, our Chinese princess is quite good at the nose clearing habit so many Chinese people practice. It's hard to tell here, but she had squatted, leaned over into the bushes, closed off one side of her nose & started blowing! Oh my. I was horrified. It would have been better (in my opinion) if she had pulled her pants down & gone to the bathroom (which has almost happened before ;-). Had to take the photo so one day we can laugh & remember "the good old days".

There were several cats running around the park. We didn't get too close though because ummm...well, he doesn't look too well...

Another beautiful walkway in the park.

The wonderful China Marriott hotel we are staying at.

 

After the park, we headed back to the room, had a quick dinner, skyped with the girls and went to bed. First full day in Guangzhou down. We're more than halfway through our stay and we're counting down the days until we are HOME!!